I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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