Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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