It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
