he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
