**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
