I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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