It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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