Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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