Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
operation harelip BJ is a go
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
