I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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