i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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