i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
