I hate all girls vehemently.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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