D3 body, D1 cock
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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