8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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