I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
