Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
