Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
