1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
