I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
