So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
