Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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