if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
