i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
