If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
