I didn't shave. On purpose
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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