Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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