Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
