For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
