My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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