I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
