it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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