just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
