new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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