One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
