I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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