Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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