Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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