I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
