I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
