I feel like abortions should bother me more
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
