Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
