Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
