God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
