Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
