I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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