You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
