Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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