I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
