Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
