he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
