I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
