Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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