I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
