So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
